Funny Computer Quotes

If you have enjoyed our collection of top 50 Linux quotes of all time, I'm sure you would love these funny computer-related quotes that I have put together. Although some of which are pretty old already, they can still tickle a geek's funny bone.

Now get ready and enjoy this compilation of my top 50funny computer quotes:

50. "Some things Man was never meant to know. For everything else, there's Google."

49. "Failure is not an option -- it comes bundled with Windows."

48. "Computer games don't affect kids; I mean if Pac-Man affected us as kids, we'd all be running around in darkened rooms, munching magic pills and listening to repetitive electronic music."

47. "COBOL programmers understand why women hate periods."

46. "Artificial Intelligence usually beats natural stupidity."

45. "To err is human... to really foul up requires the root password."

44. "Like car accidents, most hardware problems are due to driver error."

43. "If at first you don't succeed; call it version 1.0"

42. "If Python is executable pseudocode, then perl is executable line noise."

41. "Programmers are tools for converting caffeine into code."

40. "Why do we want intelligent terminals when there are so many stupid users?"

39. "I can't uninstall it, there seems to be some kind of 'Uninstall Shield'."

38. "See daddy ? All the keys are in alphabetical order now."

37. "Hey! It compiles! Ship it!"

36. "SUPERCOMPUTER: what it sounded like before you bought it."

35. "Yo moma is like HTML: Tiny head, huge body."

34. "Windows Vista: It's like upgrading from Bill Clinton to George W. Bush."

33. "The more I C, the less I see."

32. "Life would be so much easier if we only had the source code."

31. "My software never has bugs. It just develops random features."

30. "The only problem with troubleshooting is that sometimes trouble shoots back."

29. "Crap... Someone knocked over my recycle bin... There's icons all over my desktop..."

28. "Relax, its only ONES and ZEROS !"

27. "rm -rf /bin/laden"

26. "I don't care if you ARE getting a PhD in it ! Get away from that damn computer and go find a woman !"

25. "The great thing about Object Oriented code is that it can make small, simple problems look like large, complex ones."

24. "If brute force doesn't solve your problems, then you aren't using enough."

23. “Programming is like sex, one mistake and you have to support it for the rest of your life.”

22. "Unix is user-friendly. It's just very selective about who its friends are."

21. Microsoft: "You've got questions. We've got dancing paperclips."

20. "I'm not anti-social; I'm just not user friendly"

19. The world is coming to an end... SAVE YOUR BUFFERS !"

18. "If you don't want to be replaced by a computer, don't act like one."

17. "Better to be a geek than an idiot."

16. "I went to a gentleman's cybercafe — and they offered me a 'laptop dance'."

15. "After Perl everything else is just assembly language."

14. "The Internet: where men are men, women are men, and children are FBI agents."

13. "There are 10 types of people in the world: those who understand binary, and those who don't."

12. "Difference between a virus and windows ? Viruses rarely fail."

11. "Hacking is like sex. You get in, you get out, and hope that you didn't leave something that can be traced back to you."

10. "1f u c4n r34d th1s u r34lly n33d t0 g37 l41d"

9. "Helpdesk: There is an icon on your computer labeled "My Computer". Double click on it.
User: What's your computer doing on mine?"

8. “I think Microsoft named .Net so it wouldn’t show up in a Unix directory listing.”

7. “If debugging is the process of removing bugs, then programming must be the process of putting them in.”

6. "Computer dating is fine, if you're a computer."

5. “Any fool can use a computer. Many do.”

4. “Hardware: The parts of a computer system that can be kicked.”

3. "Those who can't write programs, write help files."

2. "You know you're a geek when... You try to shoo a fly away from the monitor with your cursor. That just happened to me. It was scary."

1. “Computer language design is just like a stroll in the park. Jurassic Park, that is.”


If you have some favorite funny computer quotes that were not included on my list above, just add or share them with us via comment.

Top 50 Linux Quotes of All Time

I have collected 50 of my favorite "Linux quotes" of all time. They are without doubt some of the most entertaining quotes that I've ever read. Although you may have already heard some of the Linux quotes that I'm about to share with you since they are a bit old, I do hope that you will still have fun. 

So without any more delay, here are my top 50 Linux quotes of all time:

50. I develop for Linux for a living, I used to develop for DOS.
Going from DOS to Linux is like trading a glider for an F117.
-- Lawrence Foard, entropy@world.std.com

49. Avoid the Gates of Hell. Use Linux.
-- unknown source

48. I've run DOOM more in the last few days than I have the last few
months. I just love debugging ;-)
(Linus Torvalds)

47. By golly, I'm beginning to think Linux really *is* the best thing since
sliced bread.
-- Vance Petree, Virginia Power

46. Linux poses a real challenge for those with a taste for late-night
hacking (and/or conversations with God).
-- Matt Welsh

45. Linux is obsolete.
-- Andrew Tanenbaum

44. Your job is being a professor and researcher: That's one hell of a good excuse for some of the brain-damages of minix. (Linus Torvalds to Andrew Tanenbaum)

43. I still maintain the point that designing a monolithic kernel in 1991 is a fundamental error. Be thankful you are not my student. You would not get a high grade for such a design :-) (Andrew Tanenbaum to Linus Torvalds)

42. We all know Linux is great... it does infinite loops in 5 seconds.
- Linus Torvalds about the superiority of Linux on the Amterdam Linux Symposium

41. People disagree with me. I just ignore them.
(Linus Torvalds, regarding the use of C++ for the Linux kernel.)

40. Some people have told me they don't think a fat penguin really embodies the grace of Linux, which just tells me they have never seen an angry penguin charging at them in excess of 100mph. They'd be a lot more careful about what they say if they had.
-- Linus Torvalds, announcing Linux v2.0

39. Other than the fact Linux has a cool name, could someone explain why should use Linux over BSD?

38. “How should I know if it works? That's what beta testers are for. I only coded it." (Attributed to Linus Torvalds, somewhere in a posting)

37. "Problem solving under linux has never been the circus that it is under AIX." (By Pete Ehlke in comp.unix.aix)

36. "Besides, I think Slackware sounds better than 'Microsoft,' don't you?" (By Patrick Volkerding)

35. "And the next time you consider complaining that running Lucid Emacs 19.05 via NFS from a remote Linux machine in Paraguay doesn't seem to get the background colors right,you'll know who to thank." (By Matt Welsh)

34. "...Deep Hack Mode--that mysterious and frightening state of consciousness where Mortal Users fear to tread." (By Matt Welsh)

33. Sigh. I like to think it's just the Linux people who want to be on the "leading edge" so bad they walk right off the precipice. (Craig E. Groeschel)

32. Microsoft Corp., concerned by the growing popularity of the free 32-bit operating system for Intel systems, Linux, has employed a number of top programmers from the underground world of virus development. Bill Gates stated yesterday: "World domination, fast -- it's either us or Linus". Mr. Torvalds was unavailable for comment ... (rjm@swift.eng.ox.ac.uk (Robert Manners), in comp.os.linux.setup)

31. Who wants to remember that escape-x-alt-control-left shift-b puts you into super-edit-debug-compile mode? (Discussion in comp.os.linux.misc on the intuitiveness of commands, especially Emacs.)

30. It's a bird.. It's a plane.. No, it's KernelMan, faster than a speeding bullet, to your rescue. Doing new kernel versions in under 5 seconds flat.. (Linus, in the announcement for 1.3.27)

29. Those who don't understand Linux are doomed to reinvent it, poorly. (Unidentified source.)

28. "How do you power off this machine?" (Linus, when upgrading linux.cs.helsinki.fi, and after using the machine for several months.)

27. I've discovered that using VMS is a lot like driving a nail with your head: sure, you eventually get something practical done, but it usually results in a headache and some blood loss.
(submitted by Sean A. Simpson)

26. "... being a Linux user is sort of like living in a house inhabited by a large family of carpenters and architects. Every morning when you wake up, the house is a little different. Maybe there is a new turret, or some walls have moved. Or perhaps someone has temporarily removed the floor under your bed." - Unix for Dummies, 2nd Edition (Found in the .sig of Rob Riggs)

25. If Bill Gates is the Devil then Linus Torvalds must be the Messiah. (Unknown source)

24. LILO, you've got me on my knees!
(from David Black, dblack@pilot.njin.net, with apologies to Derek and the
Dominos, and Werner Almsberger)

23. Anyone can build a fast processor. The trick is to build a fast system. (Seymour Cray)

22. We can use symlinks of course... syslogd would be a symlink to syslogp and ftpd and ircd would be linked to ftpp and ircp... and of course the point-to-point protocal paenguin. (Kevin M. Bealer, commenting on the penguin Linux logo.)

21. A multithreaded file system is only a performance hack. (Andrew Tanenbaum to Linus Torvalds)

20. I did this 'cause Linux gives me a woody. It doesn't generate revenue. (Dave '-ddt->` Taylor, announcing DOOM for Linux)

19. This message was brought to you by Linux, the free unix. Windows without the X is like making love without a partner. Sex, Drugs & Linux Rules win-nt from the people who invented edlin apples have meant trouble since eden Linux, the way to get rid of boot viruses. (By mwikholm@at8.abo.fi, MaDsen Wikholm)

18. Be warned that typing killall name may not have the desired effect on non-Linux systems, especially when done by a privileged user.
-- From the killall manual page

17. Only wimps use tape backup: _real_ men just upload their important stuff on ftp, and let the rest of the world mirror it. "
--- Linus Torvalds

16. Linux is not user-friendly. It _is_ user-friendly. It is not ignorant-friendly and idiot-friendly.
---Source unknown

15. `When you say "I wrote a program that crashed Windows", people just stare at you blankly and say "Hey, I got those with the system, *for free*".' (By Linus Torvalds)

14. "If you want to travel around the world and be invited to speak at a lot of different places, just write a Unix operating system." (By Linus Torvalds)

13. "Are Linux users lemmings collectively jumping off of the cliff of reliable, well-engineered commercial software?" (By Matt Welsh)

12. "Linux: the operating system with a CLUE... Command Line User Environment". (seen in a posting in comp.software.testing)

11. “See, you not only have to be a good coder to create a system like Linux, you have to be a sneaky bastard too.” (By Linus Torvalds)

10. "What happens when you read some doc and either it doesn't answer your question or is demonstrably wrong? In Linux, you say "Linux sucks" and go read the code. In Windows/Oracle/etc you say "Windows sucks" and start banging your head against the wall."
--- Denis Vlasenko on lkml

9. "...you might as well skip the Xmas celebration completely, and instead sit in front of your linux computer playing with the all-new-and-improved linux kernel version." (By Linus Torvalds)

8. Linux hackers are funny people: They count the time in patchlevels. (Seen in the .sig of Gerd Knorr.)

7. Linux: the choice of a GNU generation
-- ksh@cis.ufl.edu put this on Tshirts in '93\

6. "Not me, guys. I read the Bash man page each day like a Jehovah's Witness reads the Bible. No wait, the Bash man page IS the bible. Excuse me..."
(More on confusing aliases, taken from comp.os.linux.misc)

5. What's this script do?
unzip ; touch ; finger ; mount ; gasp ; yes ; umount ; sleep
Hint for the answer: not everything is computer-oriented. Sometimes you're
in a sleeping bag, camping out with your girlfriend.
(Contributed by Frans van der Zande.)

4. I'm an idiot.. At least this [bug] took about 5 minutes to find.. Surely, Linus is talking about the kind of idiocy that others aspire to :-)
(Bruce Perens in response to Linus Torvalds's mailing about a kernel bug.)

3. One OS to rule them all,
One OS to find them.
One OS to call them all,
And in salvation bind them.
In the bright land of Linux,
Where the hackers play.
(J. Scott Thayer, with apologies to J.R.R.T.)

2. ...the Linux philosophy is "laugh in the face of danger". Oops. Wrong one. "Do it yourself". That's it. (by Linus)

1. We are using Linux daily to UP our productivity - so UP yours!
-- Adapted from Pat Paulsen by Joe Sloan

-END-

If you have some Linux quotes that I failed to include here, feel free to add them via comment.

Best Load Balancing Hardware

Best Load Balancing Hardware: A load balancing hardware is a device utilized for splitting the amount of network loads across different servers, somewhat the same way a softwareload balancer is used. It controls computers to respective servers in a network, built on conditions such as utilization of server processor, the number of server connections, and the total server capability. By using a load balancing hardware, one can reduce network downtime, effectively manage traffic prioritization, apply end-to-end application monitoring, supply user authentication, and provide protection or security against malicious attacks.

Load balancing works by sending network traffic to a shared IP (often called virtual IP or VIP), which is an address connected to the load balancer. The load balancer will decide on where to send the request from the VIP. The decision making is usually administered by a load balancing method or strategy, a server health check, and a rule set (in the case of a next generation device). The request is then sent to the associated server and will response if successful. The response will be relayed either back to the load balancer or straight back to the end-user relying on the kind of the device.

For performance, scalability, and reliability reasons, majority of websites with very high traffic uses some type of clustered server architecture. To equally appropriate the traffic to different web servers, a load balancing hardware solution should sit in the middle of the server cluster and the Internet. For additional level of dependability, it will also route traffic around a failed cluster node.

Here are some of the best and most popular load balancing hardware:

Cisco Systems Catalyst 6500
Cisco Systems is well-known for building networking infrastructure hardware that keeps the most demanding networks up and running. The best selling product of Cisco is the Catalyst 6500 system. It was made to handle with problems at layers 2, 3, and 4. Built on a modular chassis, the Catalyst 6500 is flexible to deal with everything from switching to firewall services to SSL and IPSec services.

Coyote Point E350si

Coyote Point provides the Equalizer line of products aimed at both the SME and higher-end markets. The E350si is its most popular product because it is loaded with features but comes at an affordable price. The layer 7 capability of the Equalizer makes it feasible to identify among users to direct them to the correct server. Other supported features include URL parsing, persistent cookies, and a virtual cluster technology that allows you to assign pools of servers to the highly or heavily utilized applications and services.

F5 Networks BIG-IP 6400

The BIG-IP line of products from F5 handles the application acceleration problem (or layer 7) and the network traffic management problem. Also, BIG-IP helps provide security and and protection against threat of network attacks such as denial-of-service (DoS) attacks. F5 started the concept of application traffic management with the BIG-IP product line. Version 9 of the BIG-IP systems provides a suite of application acceleration and optimization features. F5’s Traffic Management Operating System architecture is specifically made to increase network reliability while enhancing end-user performance.

If you have used or know other excellent load balancing hardware, please share them with us via comment.